Smart Mouth!

My Heart Breaks...again

I can say my heart is breaking but I think it has been broken a long time ago when I understood that children are not always loved or protected. Today I can’t even fully cry for beautiful 5-year-old- Shaniya Davis, because I feel like I let her down simply by my silence. I went to see a very brave woman (Anti-war activist, Author, Afghan MP, Feminist, Visionary, Humanitarian, and Freedom Fighter) last night; her name is Malalai Joya She has survived 5 assassination attempts and refuses to live in exile. She lives in Afghanistan, from safe house to safe house, and speaks out, speaks the truth despite the fact that this may cost her her life. She said two famous and powerful quotes that I will use as a rallying call to motivate me into true action for the rights of children and sex abuse and exploitation. The two quotes were: “Silence of the good people is worse than the actions of the bad,” and “It’s better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.”

Shaniya's story (well I will say the end of her life, because her story is bigger and more beautiful than just the horrible last month) I will unfortunately never forget. There have been stories dating back to when I was a teenager that still linger with me. And I will never get the image of him carrying this little girl into the motel room, and the look on her face.  My question to everyone is WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

Every time this happens we say the same damn things, "They’re in Gods hands now." “They’re in a better place." She is in a better place but did she have to be raped by a grown man and strangled to get there? Did she have to be “rented out” as a sex slave by her sick demented drug addicted mother. How about all the kids being prostituted or molested, video taped, and exploited right now in our homes and family homes? We need to speak out people. We need to get involved. I get so confused, sad, and feel helpless every time I hear about one of these situations. Then I start to wonder about all the ones we never hear about.

I still don’t know exactly what to do but I will begin to pitch magazines and hope I can use my writing to spread awareness and outrage everyone enough so that we can get away from these silly issues like denying gay couples their right to marriage and instead grant our children their right to justice.

 

 

Man to Man-Beyond Borders changes the discussion

Beyond Borders begins its Man to Man launch against Child Sex Trafficking and Exploitation today and they are changing the discussion in a major way.

For too long now the discussion has focused on the victims alone, ironically this has allowed the demand side (the johns themselves) to slip into the background thus allowing the problem to skyrocket. Now with famous men such as Jason Priestley (above) and Jacques Villeneuve amongst others, men are coming out to speak to other men and say once and for all that the sexual abuse, exploitation, and trafficking of children and women is wrong (besides illegal and depraved).

As the Beyond Borders press release states: Man to Man is the first campaign of its kind with respect to sexual exploitation, “Most public awareness campaigns about child sexual abuse have focused on the victim,” explains Beyond Borders President, Rosalind Prober. “That’s obviously important but we’ve ignored trying to tackle the demand side of the issue. This campaign changes that.”

 

The importance of this campaign words cannot express. For men to stand up and say sex with children is immoral is not only a beautiful act of solidarity but it also moves this destructive act from simply being a child/woman problem versus man issue and places it where it should be as an act against humanity. Sex with children is a violation of human rights and it is a detriment to what it means to be not only a man but a human being. It takes the discussion outside of women driven organizations into bars and locker rooms. Beyond Borders says it best: “We hope to mobilize the vast majority of men who have no tolerance with the small percentage of their gender responsible for more than 90% of sexual crimes against children both in Canada and abroad. Those perpetrators make up what we call the DEMAND. Without those willing to use children for their sexual pleasure and profit, this abuse would not exist.  Demand drives all forms of sexual exploitation including child sex tourism, child Internet luring, child pornography and trafficking, impacting the lives of countless children in Canada and around the globe. Stop the DEMAND and the SUPPLY (the victims) will be allowed their right to grow up emotionally and physically healthy. It is as simple as that.”

 

I think I fall in love every time a wonderful honest man comes forth to defend the vulnerable even if it means breaking the “man code.” The man code is a lot like that tacky phrase “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Men often feel that it is not their place to scold other men about their private lives but sex with children and trafficked women is not about men's right to live whichever life they choose, this is about the most vulnerable members of our world’s rights being ripped away from them and crushed.

 

So I would like to say to Jason Priestley (shout out 90210 90’s style) and Jacques Villeneuve and Manoj Sood (Little Mosque on the Prairie actor) and writer Victor Malarek (who I have blogged about previously) and all the others that will join this fight and help change the lives of millions that I am so proud of men like you and thank you.

 

Check out Beyond Borders website for more information: www.beyondborders.org

 

When women are as dangerous as the men they love.....

I am always shocked, outraged, and saddened in a way I cannot explain when I hear stories of the rape, abuse, exploitation of children (and women) and hear that another woman is involved. I just read about the case of the California woman, abducted at 11, who was recently discovered by police. She is now 29 and has two teenagers for the 58-year-old-man who kidnapped her 18 years ago. The first thing that came to my mind was, how many people are being held hostage (around the world) under these same circumstances? But then I read that his wife, who met him while he was in jail serving 10 years of a 50 year sentence for rape and abduction, was there when he kidnapped the girl 18 years ago, and lived with him as husband as wife, while he kept this young woman as his sex slave and mother of his children. This is reminiscent of the Karla Homolka case, where a woman takes part in the abduction of younger girls (though that case was gruesome on levels I pray I will never be able to fully comprehend). This case also reminds me of the Austria case of the father who drugged and held captive his own daughter for 20 years, making numerous babies with her, and her own mother (his wife) lived a seemingly clueless life upstairs. How about the recent case of the little Stratford Ontario girl lured away and kidnapped by the 18 year-old girl then handed over to the girl's boyfriend and later murdered. The sight of that innocent little child holding the young woman's hand and skipping away with her will never leave me.

I remember the time when I was still naive and believed that the safest place to run if you were in danger was to another woman, an older woman. Unfortunately, I understand that they can sometimes be as dangerous as the men. What makes them so dangerous is the fact that we do not question women in regards to their part in the abuse of children and other women.

There is also this disturbing thing that happens amongst some women where they either turn a blind eye to the abuse happening right under their nose or they get resentful and competitive with the child being sexually abused and neglect them all together. I am so tired of these women saying, "I didn't know what he was doing..." I see so many instances where women are so preoccupied with who their husbands and boyfriends are looking at on the street, flirting with on my-space, hitting on at work, but they never seem to ask what is my husband doing after he watches that internet porn. What is he doing when he gets up at night for twenty minutes? Why is my child acting differently? One of the most chilling stories I ever heard was when a sex chat worker said she finished a call with a man and said to him, "Now you can go wake up your wife and have a little fun." And he said, "My wife's sleeping. I'm going to my daughter." She said she was so traumatized by this event she stopped working as a sex worker and became an activist.

I recently learned about a case where a New York Rabbi had sexually abused his own daughter, serious, serious abuse, for many many years. He seemed to have a fixation with her and went to great lengths to continue the abuse even when she went off to a private school for high school. She is now in her twenties and had the courage to go to the police and report the abuse after her mother encouraged her to do so. What is shocking about this case is the mother testified that she had walked into her daughter's room, and found her husband and their daughter in bed under the covers. He admitted they were naked from he waist down but said nothing was happening. She left the room shocked but never brought it up again. This man had raped, sodomized, and abused this girl for years and the mother knew. She denied what she knew but she knew and later after they were divorced she encouraged the daughter to report it. If I found a man or a woman with any child like that I would be calling 911 so fast their head would spin. And this is if I had enough self control not to attack them first.

I am glad that the law is beginning to recognize the complicated relationship between male predators and the women who love them, because in some cases these women are predators themselves and should not escape punishment simply because they are women who pretend not to have known.

Elle Misstep?

 

Recently, I cleaned out my house and one of the most tedious things I had to do was go through boxes and boxes of magazines. At one point I subscribed to at least 5 magazines. Last year I became overwhelmed and canceled all but two of my subscriptions. I no longer enjoy my fashion media straight up. I need it mixed with real journalistic content. I find the music world much more involved in causes and that’s why I love it.

Anyway, this month I heard about two articles in Elle Canada that left some people perturbed, (Perturbed. I’ve never used that word before but I think it fits), and right away I wanted to check them out. Once I read both articles I knew exactly why.

The first article, Baby Grand, explores how children’s clothing has become as high-end and sophisticated as adults. Fashion lines like the French baby line, Bonpoint, which the writer calls, “The Chanel of Children’s wear,” are creating Fashion Diva mommy mania. The clothes are gorgeous that’s not exactly the problem. The problem is the strange language that the writer uses throughout the piece.

Right from the beginning she starts off by saying that, “The hot little accessory this season in not the Cherche Midi purse all your friends are just lusting over; it’s the adorable child dumping its contents all over the floor.” Babies as the new accessories? Throughout the piece she continues presenting children as commodities that can enhance your lifestyle. Here are some examples.

“The bambina hanging off your arm in on more waiting lists than you might think.”

“…this French brand has established a signature style that tempers rock ‘n’ roll hipness with a slight whiff of Catholic Communion.” (I’m assuming this means edginess mixed with just enough innocence to make it cool.)

“And it’s not only the wardrobe upgrade that makes tots so hot right now…”

“What the industry had figured out is that while sex sells, innocence may sell even better—which is why kid karma is at a high.” (Sex does sell. Innocence does sell better. Just ask the kids exploited in various countries including our own. It's Karma alright just not the good kind.)

“The cool-kid industry is showing us that you can have your baby and accessorize it too.” (This comment has so many global implications that it stuns me. I realize the writer's intention could not be further from these implications but I can't help but think of the case of the young 5 year-old girl adopted from Russia whose American "father" would dress her up in little sexy outfits, take pictures of her and then abuse her. He did this until she was 11 or 12 and she was finally rescued. She testified about the abuse infront of Supreme Court Judges. Many of whom was so shocked they began to cry and these were grown men.)

After reading the article I asked myself, Is this chick serious?

I won’t even go into the way that she seems to justify the purchase of these clothes as a way to make up for not spending time with ones child, quoting a woman who says, “Mothers may think ‘I can’t spend a lot of time with my children, but I can buy them the best.” I’ll leave that alone even though I’m still shaking my head. My problem is with the cutesy, casual, and unapologetic way that this article refers to children as if they’re objects that can be used to make their parents look cooler, and feel better about themselves.

To make matters worse once you flip the page (after a great Almay advertisement of actress Leslie Bibb, who I loved on the late 90’s show Popular), there is a shocking article called, Out of Africa, which graphically discusses the rape and torture of African women and children in the Democratic Republic of Congo. I have read quite a bit about sexual terrorism but this article shocked me. Here are some quotes.

“The patients range from very young children to the elderly, and some are so injured that they may need treatment at the hospital for up to year.”

“Raped women are often no longer wanted by their husbands and have become pariahs in the communities.”

“It’s an economic war for control of the wealth played out on women’s bodies,” says Ensler. “It’s sexual terrorism.” (Activist Eve Ensler writer of the Vagina monologues)

“The damage caused to the women’s health is enormous…Some are so brutalized with guns and sticks that they no longer have wombs or vaginas.”

“…Some UN peacekeepers were convicted of exchanging milk and eggs for sex with girls as young as 10.”

The article is disturbing and sad but ironically Elle did not see the connection between Baby Grand and Out of Africa, and trust me there is a connection. Some may call my claim “far fetched,” “overstretching,” “looking for something to be angry about” but they would be wrong. Ensler explained Western blindness, complicity, and obscure connection best when she says, “I see femicide everywhere, even in the West, which is just more sophisticated about the destruction.”

She’s right. Turning our children into sophisticated, exoticized, painted dolls that compliment our lifestyle and beauty aesthetic begins to desensitize us from the quiet but visible ways that society sexualizes children. And because in the West we are working on “laws” to protect our children, we feel that “our” children are not suffering. I don’t know if we have fully realized that the images of little children being exploited in their rooms over webcam can be happening in the apartment right next to us. I think many of us believe its “other people’s” kids that are the target of this. But even when it is not “our” children I have learned in the haunting book, The Johns by Victor Malarek, that pedophiles fuel their fantasies with these images and some get on a plane and go to “exotic” places, like the Congo, Cambodia, Guatemala, Eastern Europe, where the laws are weak, the women and children are poor and vulnerable, and they only have to pay a little cash to experience what they’ve been visually fed at home.

We live in a Global society, what happens “over there,” is happening right here just with a different veneer and more “sophisticated tots.” I appreciate Elle for using their magazine to shed light on the sexual terrorism happening around the world but we need to be very aware of our involvement in the sexual exploitation. It happens on so many levels that we can easily dismiss it as insignificant but that’s dangerous. We need to be aware of the wording we use to describe children and the images we market. Little girl’s and boys posing like tiny adults in suits and lipstick are not about them, it’s about us and our desire to make everything sexy and cool and edgy. And there is nothing fashionable about child exploitation.

The Body Shop's New Exciting Campaign

This past Thursday I was excited to witness the joining of two wonderful activist organizations, Canada's Beyond Borders and The Somaly Mam Foundation (Cambodia) with the ethical beauty company, The Body Shop.

A few years ago, The Body Shop's founder, Anita Roddick, passed away, but as she did in life, using her products to promote fairness and equality around the world, she was determined to continue until the end. (Note: Her website www.anitaroddick.com, whose motto is, Get Informed, Get Outraged, Get Inspired, Get Active, continues her efforts to fight injustice). In her last few years she decided that she wanted to use her company to help stop the sex trafficking of women and children throughout the world, and that dream has come to fruition.

On August 3rd the hand cream, Soft Hands/Kind Heart, goes on sale throughout the world. Proceeds from its sale will go to groups fighting this silent, horrendous and lucrative crime against humanity. In Canada Beyond Borders (Canadian affiliate of ECPAT-End Child Prostitution, Child Pornography and the Trafficking of Children for Sexual Purposes) will be receiving the proceeds. Along with the hand cream The Body Shop will be selling a great organic bag that reads, Green is not a colour. It's a state of Mind, plus gift bags that will all benefit the Somaly Mam Foundation.

Now back to the launch. About two years ago I was at the hairdressers and I picked up a copy of Glamour magazine and read a great article about a hero by the name of Somaly Mam. Mam, has endured and experienced more in her years than most of us will ever begin to understand least of all experience. She was abandoned by her parents and Grandmother, sold into prostitution, escaped prostitution, escaped her country, then after receiving an education, marrying, and having children, she returned to save the children and women left behind. So far she has rescued over 5000 children (as young as five), and women brutalized, sold, and exploited. She was selected as Glamour magazine women of the year, appeared on Tyra Bank's talk show with Susan Sarandon, profiled in CNN's Hero segment, and selected as Time Magazines 100 Most Influential People. I was so excited to see her and hear her speak because reading that Glamour article impacted me from that day forward and motivated me to get involved. I even thought about her sometimes and prayed she would be kept safe to continue her work. So it was an honour to see that not only has she continued her work but is one of the biggest activists behind the movement today. 

Then there is Rosalind Prober. Roz Prober is an under the radar Canadian hero. Prober along with co-founder, Mark Erik Hecht, and the incredible lawyers and volunteers that are part of Beyond Borders are behind so many Canadian initiatives that have helped to make Canada safer for children. These include a law that allows for Canadian's who choose to exploit children in other countries to face charges here in Canada once discovered, raising the age of consent from 14 to 16, and co-finding Cybertip, where Canadians can anonymously report crimes against children happening online etc.

So as you can see the joining of all these incredible forces on a global scale is huge. I was very excited and nervous for the Toronto (Canada) launch of the product. When I arrived, Prober, Mam, The Body Shop president (Canada division) and Body Shop staff (along with media presence) were there. It took place on the front lawn of Metropolitan United Church and opened with the men's choir singing.

Following the music the church's Pastor read from a wonderful piece called Wisdom (I may be wrong. I tried to tape record the entire event but missed the first half of the speech and my recorder cut off right when Mam began to speak. So you can say, I was very upset when I got home and discovered this). Anyway, the reading really left an impression on me and I would love to get a copy of it. Following that The Body Shop president spoke. He really hyped up the crowd and his employees. After introducing the four speakers of the morning the reality of this horrific situation really began to hit home.

Roz Prober (www.beyondborders.org) spoke about the fact that sex trafficking is not just a "Third World" problem. Sex trafficking happens right here in Canada. Foreign women and children are trafficked in for Canadian men's "pleasure" (massage parlors, strip clubs, prositituation rings, sex slavery, online pornography etc) and Canadian children and women are also trafficked within Canada. Prober explained that,  "The Demand for sex with children is creating an international nightmare." She went on to explain that because sex trafficking is driven by greed, profit, and (selfish sexual fixations) that "no country is immune and no child is free of risk of sexual exploitation." She really hyped up and educated the crowd, empowering all of us to realize that just because these children are abused it does not mean they are doomed. "All of the new studies of sexually abused and trafficked children illustrate that children can become extremely successful even after suffering the worst human rights abuses. They just need a helping hand." (I wanted to cry hearing this). "So Somaly Mam, Beyond Borders, and The Body Shop team, will bring hope to sexually exploited children all around the world. No stone will be left unturned to make this happen. Silence gives consent. Traffickers beware! The Somaly Mam Foundation, The Body Shop Team, and Beyond Borders, and the Canadian public, who are fed up with  the sexual abuse of our children and children everywhere, we will make a difference and we will make a lot of noise."

I'm looking forward to making a lot of noise!

Following Prober was Somaly Mam (www.somaly.org). The petite and stunning survivor seemed humbled by the sincere passion she saw in the audience and was excited to be in partnership with The Body Shop and the fiery Prober. She spoke of how she talks to the girl's at her Cambodian safe house and keeps them informed everyday about how the launches are going and all the support the organization is receiving. She spoke of how the rape and sexual torture these children and women endure, including HIV infection,  for the sexual pleasure of Western men is a soul killer and something one never forgets. She spoke of a seven year old girl, infected by HIV, who wants people to know that their brief (destructive) pleasure should not be put above millions of vulnerable lives. Again, I wanted to cry during her speech but how wonderful and inspiring it was to see someone who was the most vulnerable in our world, exploited,yet has survived, escaped, and risen to the world stage to save others who are voiceless.

What I found interesting was that other than Mam, myself, and about a handful of Body Shop employees, there were few people of color there. For whatever reason this absence spoke volumes to me. It reinforced the fact that women and men of color in the Black, Aboriginal, Asian communities, need to get involved and real vocal about this issue. I may be wrong and there may be many groups already deeply involved but we need to make our presence known at every important event such as this. I'm going to do my best to make that happen.

I also found it interesting that two girl's who were there for the rally at first seemed disinterested.  Before the rally began they were flirting with some guys from a distance. The guys came over and chatted with them a bit, eventually getting bored and walking off. But by the end of the rally one of the girl's seemed so interested that she stopped me as I handed out flyer's to make sure she received one. It was a great moment. Clearly in that brief 45 minutes (at the most) people who came with little knowledge and little motivation left moved and inspired and ready to roar. 

  

Roz Prober talking to Reporter

 

 

Mam talking to reporter (above) signing autographs (received like an activist rock star).

Little girl holding sign

 

Message to ELLEN

Odd Baby Pictures

I watch Ellen almost everyday. I think she is one of the funniest women on TV, maybe the funniest. But today I was watching and she was talking about Easter and showed some pics sent in by viewers of babies in "bunny" type suits. I was shocked the pictures had an inappropriate vibe to it. I am very much a child advocate and the more I learn the more I realize that sexual images of children are hard to pinpoint because for most of us we just see a cute baby but for the pedophile they are looking through sexual eyes at the child. Therefore, some images just lend themselves well to child pornography. I didn't feel good about the images and decided to send her a message. This is what I wrote below:

Hey Ellen, I love your show and I have been a big fan of you since your sitcom days. Today I was watching and was frankly surprised by the baby pictures you showed. One was of a naked baby with bunny ears and a cotton ball on its bum and another was a shot from the back of a baby with a cut out in its diaper showing its bum. I realize you love animals and I think you love kids. Do you really believe those images are appropriate? The one with the cut out is clearly referencing cut out underwear which is a very grown up sexual piece of clothing and the one with cotton ball is pretty much a little playboy bunny.  You are a fan of Oprah's and she addresses child pornography regularly. While those images may seem cute they are very much the kinds of images of children, taken innocently and sometimes not so innocently by parents that circulate around the web to stimulate pedophiles.  This may sound extreme but it is the casual way we treat images of children and spread them around the Internet and TV that allows pedophiles to flourish in secret. Next time, please think twice. What we think is cute isn’t always the safest for children.

Oprah had a show on about Internet predators. A wonderful Officer from CANADA! who works for our wonderful Child Exploitation department was on the show. I must say this unit from Ontario has cracked some of the most disturbing child abuse cases ever and they have become leaders in the fight. So I was happy to see him on Oprah. The officer said they find that people posting images of their children on Face Book, My space, Blogs are leading ways that pedophiles find images of children to use for sexual exploitation. He said if people want to share photos with friends and family, privacy settings should be high. Clearly people do not understand how serious this has become for children. Children are being exploited in their own beds by fathers, step-dads, friends and sometimes mothers and this is being broadcast live on the web. Strangers can now find pics of kids they don't know to masturbate with. We have to treat children's images with sensitivity.